Was it a year or lives ago
We took the grasses in our hands,
And caught the summer flying low
Over the waving meadow lands,
And held it here between our hands?”~ Bliss Carmen (1861-1929), from Low Tide at Grand Pré
Here at the front edge of summer, I always enjoy revisiting this stanza. For me its imagery stimulates all of my senses and ticks all of my romantic boxes.
Isn’t June such an awesome month — a month of great variation?
Where I live, Yellow Jacket wasps emerge like clockwork from ground nests in early June. One discovers this quickly and prickly when mowing a lawn. These worker gals have a nasty no-surrender attitude and they don’t negotiate.
Yet, just a few feet away, swaying in nearby gardens amidst the warm breezes of June, Russian Sage, Calla Lilies, Lavender and Gladioli peacefully show off their emerging bee-treasured blooms.
Of course, June has traditionally been a time for weddings. The month is allegedly named after Juno, the mythical Roman goddess of marriage, fertility and family.
More worthy of attention than any of these, June is a month devoted to the high honour and privilege of fatherhood. Not general parenting, but gender-specific, present and active fatherhood. It is upon this theme that I’ll devote the remainder of this post, (with a little help from my friends).
This year I invited a few of my father-friends to share their thoughts on the joys of being a dad. I’m hoping some young dads and fathers-to-be will grab a few of these precious morsels and integrate them into their lives.
Here is some of what they had to say …
Father One
Alongside my wedding, the birth of my daughter was the happiest day of my life. As a Christian, I had always struggled to really understand God’s unconditional love for us until my baby girl was born. In that singular moment I finally understood and loved this tiny creature with all my heart, even though she had done absolutely nothing to deserve my love.
When my daughter was a toddler, she invented a myriad of bedtime games. Playing them and reading books to her was a highlight of each day. I believe these early moments were an important aspect in the nurturing of a healthy father-daughter relationship.
Later, when she went off to school and made friends, she eventually saw families split apart. I made a habit of promising her that her mother and I would never divorce, and that her bedroom would always be her bedroom. I wanted her to feel secure and to have peace of mind in those vital areas, knowing there are some things upon which she could completely depend, no matter what.
As she continued to grow, I knew that girls who have a good relationship with their father are less likely to look for love in all the wrong places. I went out of my way to nurture our relationship in every way possible. I told her that there would be times when she would make me proud, times when she would disappoint me, times when she would make me happy, and times when she would make me feel sad. But, I always added one thing she could never do — make me stop loving her. I believe a daughter has to know that she is unconditionally loved by her father, no matter what she may or may not do, and no matter what path her life might take. Unconditional love. Full stop!
My daughter is now 37, happily married with two beautiful children. In every way she has become the woman I always prayed she would become. For that I’m eternally grateful — in so many ways that are simply beyond my meagre ability to put into words.
Now, and every day I am comforted that she knows I love her unconditionally, and the very same love is being returned to me. How could there be a better Father’s Day gift than that?
Father Two
Fathering a child for me was the most amazing gift. I had the good fortune to be the primary caregiver for our daughter from around six months of age through first grade. While I was a “fish out of water” for things like her first cold, potty training and teaching math — those were years of joy that I remember warmly and vividly.
I enjoyed all the opportunities to teach her, and to share experiences — food, live music, sports, travel. Sometimes there was a connection, sometimes resistance. Other times it seemed to just pass without impression. But here’s the big surprise: Years later, as a young woman, my daughter remembers it all. So all of this fathering may have had my intended effect after all — which yet again brings me great joy.
Father Three
Fathering must be done in relationship in all situations. Our children need to hear how we feel just as much as their need to hear the right thing to do. We must live in the raw and chaotic present, and relate to our children the best we can in that context. We will fail often, we will need to apologise and repent, but they need to know we are repenting to God our Father. Humility and repentance are just as important to model as “righteousness”.
Fathers need to generously and constantly provide validation and affirmation. Don’t worry about whether it will be received. Some will receive it more than others. What’s important is that it is given.
Most of us fathers have heard not to be too critical or harsh, but for some reason I don’t see many practicing it. I try to remember: discipline when necessary, teach with gentleness and encourage often. Some think teaching is very important (and it is), but our kids will learn — it just won’t be at a pace that we can control. We must be patient and gentle.
Most of my boys are looking for the next big challenge. I think part of a dad’s role is to find healthy challenges that aren’t too overwhelming. Create a low pressure environment and build on it. For the younger boys, we should celebrate milestones, whether it’s riding a bike for the first time, or building a new Lego creation. For older ones, it may be a longer hike or a paper they managed to write for the first time. Boys thrive off accomplishments, and while we don’t necessarily put our value in what we achieve, it’s still healthy for a boy’s confidence to know God has made him beautifully and given him gifts different from others.
When it’s all said and done, I want my children to know my Heavenly Father, knowing He will be there for them when I am not. He will care for them better than me. My dad was a good dad, but his love doesn’t compare with my Heavenly Father.
Oh, and one last thing …
This powerful quote might provide all the incentive that some guys need …
When she is twenty-five, she will mentally size-up her boyfriend or husband against you. When she is thirty-five, the number of children she has will be affected somehow by her life with you. The clothes she wears will reflect something about you. Even when she is seventy-five, how she faces her future will depend on some distant memory of time you spent together. Be it good or painful, the hours and years you spend with her — or don’t spend with her — change who she is.”
~ Meg Meeker, M.D., from Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters
Please pray for the fathers and future fathers in your life. Thank you for visiting my blog site. Happy Father’s Day!!!
Blessings on your home,
robert
Peace in the Home 
Our first grandchild turns one month old tomorrow. My favorite part of being a grandfather is watching our son be a dad. He’s incredibly good at it, considering his lack of experience.
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Maybe it was good modeling
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